Wednesday, April 19, 2006

holding up

Ask in faith the email said. But faith in what. I have never been brought up with strict religious beliefs, which gives me freedom to choose and believe in what i want. i can analyse. But sometimes when i see people who have been conditioned into one particular religious faith, i feel jealous. Jealous because it isn't so easy for me. They seem to know exactly what they should do. Even if they were doing it blindly. They have something to believe in. but me , i am like a vagabond. not knowing where i belong. i want to be involved in some faith. want to ask in faith!!!!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

yet another pothole

This pothole in my life was really bad. Have felt this bad after a long long time. Not a really good feeling. Its really awkward to get physically involved with someone whom you have worked with for sometime and know quite a bit, and have never imagined in your wildest dreams to be physically involved with. He says it happened... just happened... Not deep feelings or any of that. But then why all those mushy words and those conversations? Well.. to be honest i knew from day 1 that it wasn't true. But after holding your guard for 25 yrs and something like this happens, u feel and long and yearn to let your guard loose. And tas what i did.
I knew i wouldn't find the boat to jump on to. I would have to keep afloat hoping uselessly.
And today was judgment day.
Had to arrive.
Spoke... bared my soul... few tears of course... bad feeling
But i know have to move on. Life's thorns!!!!

Now i rather bother about my career......