Sunday, December 11, 2005

serpentine dreams

Have you ever wondered what dream might mean. I have always so many times woken up from a night mare. Many times i get up just as i am being eaten up or bitten by a snake.... Yes, Sankes, I don't know why, i have always had dream of sankes either chasing me or i am running away from a snake. Lat night i saw a python like snake. Huge one, staring at me.
Have also dreamt of flying. I suddenly lift off fro the ground and start flying. its the most amzing experiance. I see things from an ariel view of places i have never seen from top. I don't know how i can imagine how the place might look like from top......

Friday, November 25, 2005

orange party

I walked in and it was dingy.. It was a birthday party... An orange bean bag, an orange bottle cap, an orange cushion, an orange paper peeping out of a glass cupboard, an orange fritter, an orange bottle cap and my orange belt. Intoxicated highs.... Drunken conversations.... Philosophy or so i presume.. Wine highs... Vodka highs... Rum highs.. and sexual highs... high too high spilling over all out into the wash basin.. sunglasses in a dark room.. darkness is all she wanted to go back to.... Darkness is all she saw... Pissed minds and insulting conversations.... the fighters fighting it and the others passing out... Give me the definition of fun..

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

dreams come true

ever wondered about getting the things that you wanted by you not putting any efforts to get it. looking back i alway think of the things that i achieved or got, which i had previously wanted. it makes mefeel iambeing watched. someones reading my thoughts. had gone to the IKEA store today to get something for the restaurant , along with a friend who bought stuff for herself, and i found myself as usual wishing to buy so many new things. guess whathappened. at the exit there was a guy from the local radio station doing a live on air show . he asked me a question and though i couldn't answer gave me a gift voucher for 100 and i went back and bought the things i wanted , for free. its happened to me a lot of times.
Do i feel grateful or obliged???
can i wish or dream for more???
will my dreams come true???

Saturday, November 12, 2005


hope despair strength fortune struggle confidence creativity loneliness relationship pride honesty travel love friendship lifestyle independance

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Happy Birthday!!!!

Hey its my birthday today. Do you need to feel special or what. Was still at work when the clock struck 12. Everyone was running around in the restaurant. We were busy as usual. Led me to think, whats so special. Was born 25 years back on this day. SO... Am i to feel special on this day? Has started off as just another day. Hope there's more in store in life for me. I hope i can live up to my own expectations of me.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

sell your confidence

We had a staff briefing today,as we have everyday before the restaurant opens. While we were being told by our manager about being organised while serving guests, she mentioned about some of the pointers that i had made after i joined back work. I had told her that some staff jsut get confused and start to run around in circles. Then she said we must show our guests that we are organised and confident."Sell Confidence", she said. At that moment i that it was so profound. What a wonderful thing to say. Never thought of it. "Sell Confidence"...........

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Dhan theras,bomb blasts,fasting and celebration

I am going to buy gold tomorrow. My first ever gold possession. hahaha!!! Just caught my fancy to buy gold on dhan theras, tomorrow, a day before diwali. While some die in a bomblast, others fast for ramadan, some recovering from an earthquake, while an american weather forecaster blaming the japanese to have artificially triggered Wilma and Katrina and while Syrians being blamed for lebanon's woes, I am buying gold. hhmm....

Thursday, October 27, 2005

fly me out my dream bird(man)...

Wanna get out of the desert, to greener pastures. Waiting for my prince charming, oops.. gaurdian bird, to fly me out of the desert. Or i have to grow my own wings. I think its better that way. I'll be my own prince charming........


I finished reading 'mistress' by anita nair. I like the way she writes, maybe because i am most comfortable with contemporary indian authors. Not all of course.
After reading that, which so deeply revolves around relationships in a supposedly conservative kerala household. All the extra marital affairs that are given birth in their circles. Of course its fiction, but am wondering about this thing , marriage.
How people are foced to live with people they don't like just for the sake of their horroscopes matching or their parents thinking that the partner is 'perfect', or WORST of all because he/she is of a marriageable age!!!! "Its societies requirements, those who don;t comply are not normal", said a very close family friend, who i thought, being in her thirties, would be understanding. It is only such attititude that spurs extra marital affairs, etc... The most conservative households have the most bizzare deviators.
But who defines normal and ubnormal. Why should one be forced to live in a certain way. Doesn't the indian society pride itself of being progressive and flexible from time immemorial? We have suddnely become so rigid. Desperate to retain our "Culture". I think our culture is to be unique. How much ever we 'mordenise', we'll still be unique. So why not move on.
Why can't people accept a girl in her late 20's enjoying her life, her independance, her career. Whats the necessity for her parents to feel guilty for not getting her married. If she finds someone she feels comfortable with, she'll marry, big deal. Who knows that she'll be happier if she gets married NOW.
The same family friend said, people talk things and gossip. SO WHAT!!!!!!
I talk about other people, SO............................

Can't we be free to make a choice for ourselves?

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

the green desert.

Am still soaking into the city , since i am back. Getting wet, and obviously bored. HAve to catch up on my assignments. Its been a while.

I suddenly realised that i am constantly smelling the scents around me, for no particular reason. I don't know if other people do it too, But i seem to be doing it all the time. And am constantly making mental notes about the smells. Like when i came back to dubai, i am constantly smelling and reminding myself unconsciously, this is how it used to be, or something like that. Pretty much like what i do when i listen to music , any kind, i am always choreographing steps for it in my mind, or at least dancing in my mind.
Does any one else do it??

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

indian consulate

went to the indian consulate for the first time ever. HAve to go back tomorow in the morning at 8. Cant wait to see how things work inside. Not allowed to use cellphones inside the consulate!! Never knew that.

soaking into the desert

its the fourth day since i came back. Yesterday went hunting for a bookshelf. Have so much of books and design magazines to store.
While i was going around shopping, a thought occured to me that its so strange that, the more cosmopolitan a city is, the more segregated the different nationalities become. They try harder to look their nationality. Of course it is not a 100% true statement. There are people who get influenced and change their look. I dont't know about other big cities but , but this one is surely a huge kichdi.

will write tomorrow.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

back home

It is such a strange feeling to be back to the city i have called home after having lived in it for only 2 years ( TWO YEARS !!! gone by so fast) . This was my first proper vacation ever. Almost 4 years since i spent more than a month with my family. The first 2 times i arrived in this city, it was with an expectation and hope for a job , a new life. The six months before my vacation was all excitement to go home. shopping and stuff. BUt now i dont know what to feel. I feel, what have i come back to. Feel like i have come back to a new city, yet everything seems familiar. Have never felt like this ever before. Missing my family for the first time ever in my life.
Want to quit my job.
Want a better life.

wonder where i'll end up. Or should i wonder at all.....

Wednesday, October 05, 2005


color and colour.
The rainbow is my colour
The eyes see colour