Thursday, August 20, 2009

Tangential Universes!!!!!!!

Late last night as i watched the tweeked, excited and bobbing heads at M, fake thrills and tight jeans reigned supreme......

It made me feel, that we all exist in parallel universes. Each of us in our own. Everybody is oblivious of what exists outside of their universe. I see J, BB, GT, BT all in their own. For J of course its all about him getting noticed. As for HB too its about the alcohol and the nonsensical chatter. The thai group are in their own. Hoping for attention. Totally ignored.

And as for me, I guess I am ova the hill...Or so I presume.

Do our universes exist in tangent to others. Considering the fact that each of us have the power conentrate and contract the entire universe into us!!! Which obviously is not a very profitable proposition in todays world, We definately are powerful. But does this have to exist so isolated? Can't we in a way co exist?

Or shud i ask, What difference does it make to be in a parallel universe or a tangential universe, or another universe at all. The thought is our universe. Its the mind. The soul of a being that our life lives.

I guess maybe its not that complicated at all. I don't see another way without everyone being aware of al being. Perhaps others defy my thought!!!!

What is such an oblivious existence???

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Vanity Closet!!!

What is it with gay men and trying so hard to look good. S ones commented, 'U r lucky, gay men r always good looking'.
From the outside, for a spectator, this all seems hoity toity. A world enclosed in a glass coach, on its way to the Prince Charming's ball. The problem is, not everyone can fit into it.
It is not easy to change the appearance with which we are born with. Of course with todays advancement, it definitely is, but not man can afford it or go that far. Which mean we try our best to do with what we have.
Having said that, the whole gay community is informally split into two. The haves and the have nots. No its not the money. Its pure physical beauty. Most try and go any lengths to be included with the 'haves'.
I don't know if I am getting this right. I am quite unsettled with this whole preoccupation with beauty and brawn. More after coming here. The focus is not on health, but on who is the next person to eye your handsome figure ( translates: Will I sleep with him)
Somehow looking good and built up and handsome and fitting into our already preprogrammed and preconceived notion of ideal beauty, seems to be like your passport to life.
I wonder about people who are not fotunate enough to be abe to look good. What about them.
I think my question should be, what is it that attracts people to each other.

Somehow also it seems so unfair that all the handsome adonis' enjoy very active sexual lifestyles, get to date the best of guys, have a good looking set of friends and in general a beautiful life. While the others just watch and sigh 'I wish'.

Maybe one should question oneself, what makes one happy...

This is a very hard supposition. I see a very deep imbalance. Looking good is fine, but for whom are you preparing yourself.

Maybe its the issue of a drive. What drives you. Sex, beauty, wealth, achievement, personality, love or satisfaction?

Or I think i should not compare my life with anybosy elses.

My thoughts are all mixed up. But I'll get it through, I know.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Ursula Stephens lame defence on y we have no equal marriage rights!!!

I am writing to acknowledge your email.

To clarify what I said in my speech to the event in Parliament House:

“ the Australian Government believes that people are entitled to respect, dignity and the opportunity to participate in society and receive the protection of the law regardless of their sexuality or marital status. The Government’s commitment to this belief was demonstrated through the Government’s audit of Commonwealth laws in 2007 to identify discrimination against same-sex couples and their children. This was followed in 2008 by the passage of legislation to remove discrimination from 84 Commonwealth laws.

These reforms mean that same-sex relationships are now treated in the same way that opposite­sex de facto relationships are treated for the purposes of Commonwealth entitlements and programs. The general areas of laws that have been reformed are taxation, superannuation, social security, health, aged care, veterans’ entitlements, workers’ compensation, employment entitlements, immigration and other areas of Commonwealth administration. In some areas, such as social security, taxation and veterans’ affairs, the reforms were phased-in to allow time for couples to adjust their finances, and for administrative arrangements to be implemented. All of the changes have now been implemented.

The Rudd Government is committed to ensuring that all couples whether marriage or de facto do not suffer discrimination. The Government’s position is that the most appropriate way to achieve this is through the development of nationally consistent framework that provides the opportunity for all couples who have a mutual commitment to a shared life to have their relationship officially recognised and equal rights for all couples in federal and state laws. These reforms are to be implemented consistently with our commitment to maintaining the definition of marriage as currently set out in the Marriage Act.”

I make no comments about the claims of abuse of the demonstrators because I did not see or hear those claims. This morning I spoke to one of the protestors and advised him of this fact and he apologised to me for the disruption. A formal complaint has been made by the protestors to the Presiding Officers of the Parliament and this will be independently investigated.

A copy of my speech is available from my website:

Yours sincerely,

Ursula Stephens

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


I haven't written since I last wrote, cause there has been so much going on in my mind, that I found it so hard to put it down. I wish we had some kind of contraption that read things from our mind and saved it, as or thoughts raced and flashed across in the deep recesses of our unconquered brain.
Since then its has been a whirl wind. I suddenly feel I have no control over my life anymore. I always said, that we are so conditioned to anticipate that which is safe and predictable. Why is it that only a few of us are brave enough to think otherwise.
When life gives you things that you never expected, you kind of feel humbled and surprised. I am wondering if i should figure out why this happens, or just let it be. This also is a result of us conditioned to find reason and logic in everything that we live by or experience. Its odd.
But I am left at crossroads.
Right from my sudden decision to move, to the loan being accepted to my flying out here. To the people I have met and the experiences i have had. It has left me dizzy. I feel like time out. But I am already in the eye of the storm and can't get out. But then again, why not stay and fight it out.

Well there are so many things i want to say. I guess i'll write from time to time. It feels like Ganga falling from heaven and shiva having to curtail her fury by catching her flow in his glorious mane!!!

Mine flows from my heart. And the pot is full to the brim as it spilleth over!!!!!1

Thursday, May 15, 2008


Recently on my holiday to India, I chanced upon a book in my father's library, which i had contemplated on buying earlier but hadn't for some strange reason. It was a biography on the Life of MS. Though I am very curious to read about the lifes of famous people especially in the field of Music and dance, I am some what sceptical about Biographies, in the sense that they have always changed my opinion about a lot of people, simply because it has been written by someone else. Maybe this is my mind block. I actually prefer autobiographies.

Nevertheless, I did read the book. It gave me many insights on her life and threw light on a lot of the lesser known facts about her and her famously dictative husband, Sadasivam.

What struck me was that rebels of a certain generation, no matter how massively the have deviated from what was perceived to be conventional among their contemporaries, invariably become an icon of tradition for the next generation. Isn't that amazing.

MS had a very adventurous early life, because of everything that she chose for herself and associated herself with. Having been looked at as a total modernist of her times, she turned herself into the ultimate manifestation of a middle class brahmin housewife, no matter all her racy and stormy past. Her talent famously harnessed and orchestrated by her husband supplemented her submission to control and restrictions.

Yet she had an aura of a true Diva. A timeless beauty, voice and all, a life, determination, dedication, total submission and gut truely inspiring.

Monday, January 07, 2008

The Power of Disguise!!!!

Ever wondered the value of a costume?

Recently i got thinking about this during the magnificent Christmas day brunch that we were hosting at The Wharf. The Santa Claus is a legend, that has lived for a long time, always mesmerising and transporting the dreamy eyed 3-4 yr olds into a world of fantasy and fables.

In spite of the tremendous metamorphosis, the basic red and white fur ball character as been immortal. Never ageing anymore. I wonder if kids even think about the younger days of Santa Claus. What could he be possibly doing? I wonder if they even wonder, where Santa gets all the money to buy all the presents?

We all know the the Santa bubble bursts as the years pass by , when we start to realise that after all, babies are not brought by the storks, and the likes.

But still the power that a Santa's costume carries is so tremendous, that on that day i thought, ' it is indeed incredible how the red and white bundle actually commands so much of adulation and attention'.

I was watching as our own Santa glided on the shimmering waters of the Arabian gulf on a traditional Arabian boat. There were loud cheers and surprised gasps those that had been reserved specially, probably practised for this day, the whole year.
Little children are the ones who have the most amazing and timeless expressions, worth living a life for.
Later when the Santa was distributing gifts, a young boy all flustered and panting after a visibly hot chase of the Santa, walks up to good ole Santa and says with a doe eyed astonished expression,'SANTA, where were you? We were looking for you everywhere!! thank god we found you!!!'
These are the words of a three year old that lives in a totally non suspecting world, filled with endless possibilities and fabulous fantasies.

That's when I thought, an ordinary guy as M, behind the red and white costume, transforms into this immense and all conquering Santa. While the red and white costume lies in a changeover bag, i wondered again, does this have any value now? How it came alive just a little while ago. It is after all a costume!! No one once thought of the person behind the costume. They only saw the character. The Santa.

Do we gay men also go behind personality costumes, so no one would recognise us? Do we also command wider and better respect behind these 'costumes'? Are we so scared to be ourselves? Can we show the world who we are without hiding and yet attract all the attention?

The Power of Disguise is surely powerful beyond comprehension. But is this power really necessary?

Sunday, November 18, 2007


The sun shines through , moisture not withstanding,
rises to leave, urged to look for better bearings,
The sun sets,
we light candles,
Open to serve,
dance to every fancy,
powered by every whim,
a calm and peace, painfully delivered,
so easy it seems, yet so hard we feel,
from greeting to seating, paying and leaving,
circles within circles, bound by the rhythm,
the magnet that sucks the energy,
from deep inside them, they can't still fathom
is the life we chose to live.....

of the dreams and desires...
of passion and dedication, ...........