In pursuit!!!

I have always tried my best to keep away from beliefs about the occult and the mystic for reasons of them being so anonymous and uncertain and i hate uncertainty. Its like a lioness hunting from a huge herd of deers, never know which ones going to be killed. But on the contrary i am the one who always propagates the idea of exploring the unseen territory. Someone once told me, look out for signs in your daily life, you will find the answers. All you need to do is just see those signs.

In the midst of all the things that are going on in my life, I had to meet S at this time. I really don't know why. There is enough going on but still this had to happen. He is a guy I would love to grow old with, but does he feel the same way. He has his life that he was living before he met me. How much of it am i going to like and not? I have a phobia to put the first foot forward, lest i be dejected or disappointed.

The real question now is should i wait for circumstances to lead my way or should i fight it to go the way i want. I don't know if i have the energy to.

I am trying my best to keep afloat at work.All the work i do, never seems to be enough. Trying my best to complete my studies. Trying my best to deal with my hearing loss. Trying my best to be there with friends. Trying my best to find an alternate career. Trying my best to get out of this place. Trying my best to find a life partner. Trying my best to now to understand S and give him a good impression.

As the warm days roll by, I wonder to myself, what is it that would truly inspire me. What will wake me up and make me do all that i have always dreamt of doing.

Spark! that's what is missing. I guess its just me!!!!